


Ducks!

by Devral



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Deadpool Thought Boxes, Ducklings - Freeform, Ducks, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, M/M, accidental duck mama, more ducks!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devral/pseuds/Devral
Summary: After a fight with Peter, Wade goes stomping through Central Park. He stumbles upon something extremely unexpected. He's not ready to be a mama!
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32
Collections: Spideypool Big Bang - The 2020 Collection





	Ducks!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [[ART] Ducks!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583300) by [lordavon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordavon/pseuds/lordavon). 



> And here we finally are, my Spideypool BB fic! This year I promised myself I wasn't writing an angsty monstrosity and I think I accomplished that. Instead I went for cracky, hilarious crack (and ducks! Lots of ducks!!) and of course the list of people I have to praise for helping my fics along just gets longer with every one I post!
> 
> First and foremost, honestly I need to say that this could never have gotten done if it weren't for all the lovely people over at the Isn't it Bromantic 18+ Spideypool server. I've been in a bit of a slump for pretty much all of the last year and I couldn't have done it without you guys. And of course we can't forget the SPBB channel and all of you constantly chanting Ducks! and throwing pictures and cute meme's of ducks at me constantly. 
> 
> I also have to say [TheDevilHerself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDevilOnioah/pseuds/TheDevilOnioah) has been there for me through thick and thin, every silly idea, every insistence that I'm a terrible writer, every plea for a cheering eye. Seriously, Devil, I couldn't write without you! (And I really gotta finish watching Hannibal so we can get started on some collabs! I can't wait!!)
> 
> [LordAvon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordavon/pseuds/lordavon) my perfect, amazing artist, who spent hours and hours and hours making crochet ducks and a crochet Deadpool and STILL then taking awesome pictures and editing them to perfection! You are seriously amazing and have been a fantastic cheerleader. https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583300
> 
> And last but most certainly not least, my beta Jukoist. As any writer knows, a good beta is hard to find and Jukoist, you have been fantastic! I loved all your ideas and you helped flesh this idea out and filled in my failings! I wouldn't have had an ending without you.

Wade stomped his way down the barely lit path, complaining loudly the whole time. 

“Nag, nag, nag, who does he think he is, some kind of _hero?_ I’m a good guy now, fully reformed! Hell, I haven’t killed anyone in _literal months!”_

He twitched his head, eyes darting to read over something only he could see and then pouted, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets and raising his shoulders as though he could hide between them. 

**Didn’t you kill someone just a few weeks ago? In that warehouse drug bust?**

White’s words followed beside his head as he kept walking, not letting him escape. The box seemed to be backlit against the dark shadows of Central Park at night, but plenty bright enough for Wade to read even as late as it was. 

“That was an accident!” Wade whined. “If that guy had ducked instead of weaved, he wouldn’t have died. That definitely doesn’t count!” 

**Peter didn’t want you to come tonight because it's another huge bust. He knows you wouldn’t be able to resist bringing out the big guns. It hasn’t been even close to months. There was that rapist the month before that.**

His head twitched again and he threw his hands up in exasperation, “Peter isn’t right about everything, you know! And that shitstain had it coming. God, White, why you gotta be such a freaking dirty dishrag? I’m not always wrong, you know? I’m not always the bad guy!” 

He abruptly turned off the sidewalk, stomping through the underbrush along the side of the pond. Maybe he would break the rules and walk in the water. That would show Peter! Being a good guy was just so exhausting, it was completely unreasonable for Peter to expect him to do it all the time. 

_Exactly! We should definitely stick it to The Man._

**‘The Man’ being Peter? That doesn’t make any sense. At all.**

_What? Of course not my sweetie Petey! I meant THE MAN. Down with the government, and stupid rules and laws!_

**_Part of the reason Peter gets so mad is because you and Wade think like that. Peter believes in the law!_ **

“Shut up already, both of you!” Wade swiped his hands through the boxes hovering near his head. They scatter into smoke and reform instantly. Yellow had a series of random symbols and White had an emoji of a face sticking its tongue out. Wade stuck his tongue out right back. Maturity was for the stodgy and even when he tried, Wade knew he would never be stodgy! 

“I’m out here to—” Wade made air quotes in front of his face, “—cool down and get some air. That’s what mature people in a mature relationship do, right? Look at me being all mature! I came up with that on my own and everything.” 

**You just stuck your tongue out at an invisible box. And Doctor Phil advice isn’t really “Coming up with it on your own.”**

“Oh, blow it out your edges, douchenozz—” 

_AAAAHHHHH STOP!!!!!_

Yellow box flashed in front of Wade’s eyes. He jerked backwards and almost fell on his ass, scrubbing at his face and snorting, as though Yellow had thrown flour at his face. 

“Jeebus Yellow, calm your tits!” 

_YOU ALMOST STEPPED ON THE SWEET INNOCENT EGGS!!!_

**Is shouting really necessary?**

“Eggs? What eggs?”

 _The ones you almost stepped on, stupid._ Yellow hovered protectively right over the ground and Wade could see a nest peeking around the edges of the box. 

“Oh,” Wade said stupidly. “Those eggs.” 

He crouched and leaned down, pushing his head through the box so he was nearly nose to nose with the shell of one egg, and poked it gently.

The yellow box appeared abruptly, barely two inches from Wade’s eye and he flailed back. This time he definitely didn’t avoid landing on his ass. He hit the ground hard and groaned, reaching under himself and pulling out a fist sized rock that he had managed to land directly on. 

_Putting your head through me is rude!_

“You were in the way,” Wade pointed out. He dragged himself to his feet and crouched down in front of the nest again. “What kind do you think they are?” 

**They’re duck eggs.**

“How do you know?”

**Because I can actually remember shit, unlike you two nimrods.**

Wade tipped himself over sideways, deliberately sitting on his ass this time, to better examine the eggs. He groaned in frustration and dug the fist sized rock out from under him again, because of course that was just his luck. 

**So… Eggs for breakfast?**

_GASP!! How could you say such a thing?? These poor innocent eggs have baby ducks in them!_

Wade straightened his back. “Yellow’s right, White. We’re going to protect these eggs! Isn’t that what Peter always wants us to do? Protect the innocent and don’t kill anyone.” 

**Since when are birds an ‘anyone’?**

_Since always!_

Wade flapped his hand in the air. “Whatever. Look, Mama Duck isn’t here. We should make sure they stay safe while she’s gone. They might get stepped on!” 

They sat and stared at the eggs for a while. Nothing happened. They waited a bit longer. The nothing continued to happen. 

All that nothing wasn’t working so well for Wade. His brain wouldn’t stop picking over his fight with Peter. Honestly, he could barely call it a fight but Peter… Wade was having a hard time letting it go. It was the first time Peter had really managed to hurt his feelings since they had officially started dating. 

The silence had Peter’s words echoing back in his memory, _“Too many guys with guns in the mix and your blood lust always gets the better of you. I can’t trust you not to kill anyone, Wade!”_

The part that really hurt? It was the fact that Peter wasn’t even wrong. Wade wasn’t exactly known for his self control, and the idea of innocence was something that always struck him as more funny than real. Innocence was something only babies and animals had, right? Killing bad guys wasn’t actually that big a deal, right?

White displayed a wall clock slowly ticking down seconds. Wade blinked at it, startled out of his bitter thoughts. He looked around, hoping someone would jump out from behind a tree or something. Anything to get his mind off of his argument with Peter. Of course nothing continued to happen except some bugs randomly jumping on Wade’s legs. The eggs didn’t wobble at all, no random drug dealer wandered past, nothing, nothing, _nothing_ was happening. Wade wasn’t particularly surprised nothing happened, honestly, it was after midnight. But…

_This is booooring! Why are we just sitting here watching these eggs again? I’m hungry. Can we eat one?_

**I thought you didn’t want to eat the innocent baby ducks?**

_There are ducks? Where?! I don’t see any ducks!_

**You’re so stupid.**

_No,_ you’re _stupid!_

The boxes were nearly overlapping, they were so close to each other, each phrase bigger as they went back and forth. Wade hated it when they fought for exactly that reason. They seemed to think they could drown each other out by sheer dint of being the biggest, and if they really got going it could sometimes make it hard for Wade to see anything around their edges. 

Wade swiped his hand through the two bickering boxes, sending them scattering through the air. “You’re _both_ stupid, shut the fuck up! I’m gonna take care of these eggs! Petey would want me to, so no matter how bored and hungry I get, we’re gonna sit here until Mama Duck gets back!” 

He would show Peter. Wade was more than irreverence and bloodlust. 

**So… What are you gonna do if they hatch?**

Wade scoffed. “They aren’t going to hatch! We’re just waiting for Mama Duck to get back and then we’ll go home and tell Peter how awesome we were.” 

_Yeah! We took care of the innocent!_

They sit and watch the eggs for another few minutes. 

The silence felt oppressive, with the loud sound of water and bugs chirping and squeaking, and buzzing in the air… he could barely even hear the sound of cars in the distance! The lack of people sounds pressed at his ears and his mind kept circling back around to White’s question. 

What _would_ he do if they hatched? Wade remembered the rock that he sat on twice. If that wasn’t a prime example of exactly how the Deadpool luck usually worked, he would eat that rock. Deadpool didn’t _have_ good luck. The eggs might actually hatch just because he didn’t want them to hatch. They might hatch just because he had scoffed at the idea. What if White was right? What would he do if they hatched? Another snapped sentence Peter had thrown at Wade before he stomped out the door to go to his drug bust swirled up in his mind- _“You wouldn’t know responsibility if it jumped up and bit you, Wade.”_

Wade could do responsibility! If these eggs hatched while he was taking care of them — seriously, he really hoped Mama Duck showed up before that happened— but… What did baby ducks eat? Did they need to be kept warm? Would there actually be— he quickly counted the eggs— thirteen baby ducks for him to take care of?! He wasn’t ready to be a mom! This was too much responsibility. He and Peter hadn’t even brought up the parent ques—! 

_I’m boooooooooooooored. Can we go now? Bugs and eggs are boring._

“Oh my melting fudgesicles, what do we do if they hatch!?” Wade shouted, startled out of his thoughts by Yellow flashing into his vision. 

**I already asked this question.**

_We should go find something fun to do! I’m bored! We could go to the pet store and pet all the animals? Ooooh, we could go knock over a bank! That’s fun, we haven’t done that in a long time. Oh Oh OH, let’s go find another rapist! Who doesn’t love a little torture at the witching hour?_

**It’s past the witching hour! But also, you have a point.**

“No, no, focus! What do we do if they hatch?” Wade shouted, waving his hands through the air. Both boxes drifted higher into the air, this time avoiding getting a hand through their edges. 

Wade scrambled to his feet and looked around. Seeing no sign of any ducks, he started pacing a wide circle around the nest. “Seriously, where the fuck is that Mama Duck? Why isn’t she sitting here on her eggs? Is she an egg abandoner?” He froze and wrapped his arms around himself before whispering, “Are we actually ready to be a mom?”

_BABY DUCKS!!_

**Get over yourself, you overdramatic crybaby.**

“No!” Wade started tromping through the underbrush around the eggs again, cutting a path just by dint of not caring how many plants he destroyed as he paced. “What do we feed them? Do ducks eat bugs? Fish? Grass?” 

**Yes.**

“That isn’t an answer! Which do they eat, though?” 

**They can eat all three.**

“But I don’t have any of those!” Wade wailed. He threw himself down on the ground next to the eggs again, looking at them intently. Was that one over there rocking a little? Did that one with the slightly brown coloration have a crack? He wasn’t ready!

His phone vibrated in his pocket.

He flopped onto his side and dug it out of a pocket, swiping it to see who was messaging him. 

_IT’S PETER, WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO SAY, OPEN IT OPEN IT OPEN IT_

Wade threw his phone on the ground next to him and dug the stupid rock out from under his hip. This time he stood up and threw it towards the water as hard as he could. “I’m not going to answer his stupid text! He was the one who said we were too violent to go to his stupid drug bust with him.” He dropped back down to the ground, crossing his legs and arms and pouting. “I don’t wanna talk to him.” 

_But… He’s our Petey._

**_Stop being such a child and look at what he said._ **

“No,” Wade pouted harder. 

**Weren’t you** **_just_ ** **wanting to do something that would make Peter proud of you?**

“Look,” Wade burst out, “I don’t want to talk to Peter. He was…”

**He was right.**

“No! We’re going to take care of these eggs, I’m going to be responsible, and that’s that!” Wade slammed his hand down on his phone. As though on queue, It vibrated. He pulled his hand away and crossed his arms. 

Yellow hovered in Wade’s peripheral vision, right over the vibrating phone.

_He’s calling…_

Wade focused his eyes on the eggs, turning away from Yellow’s sad words. “We’re going to take care of these eggs. We can talk to Peter after Mama Duck gets back.” 

The silence settled in on him again, the sound of bugs chirping and buzzing away ringing too loudly in his ears. He glared at the eggs. He could do this! He could be responsible and take care of these stupid eggs, even if the boredom killed him. He’d never died from boredom before but it could happen, right? It didn’t even matter anyway, he would come back from that just like any other death. 

He heaved a heavy sigh, flopping over on his back. 

And grimaced. 

_Didn’t you throw that rock in the pond?_

He sat up, scooched over, and flopped back down. Blindly, he groped at the spot he had been laying on a moment ago. His hand found a palm sized rock with jagged edges and he grabbed it, bringing it up in front of his face. 

“Nope, this is a different rock.” 

A tiny cracking sound hit his ears and he sat up, darting his eyes around. It almost sounded like the snap of a branch. He tracked his eyes over the circle through the underbrush he had made through his feet and saw nothing. He looked back toward the path he had taken through the grass to get to the eggs in the first place… nothing. 

Letting the tension trickle from his shoulders, he sighed and let his eyes drift back to the eggs.

_AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Yellow was hovering over the now twitching and shaking eggs, exclamation points continuing to multiply through his box. The cracking sound had come from one of the eggs splitting down the side. 

Wade leapt to his feet, flapping his hands. “Holy buckets of rocks, what do we do?!” 

**Don’t panic!**

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

“No, no, I’m panicking!” Wade shouted. He stumbled back two steps, took three rapid steps forward, and tripped over the rock he had pulled out from under his back. His luck held true and instead of falling backwards, he started falling forward, directly toward the rocking eggs. 

He caught himself with his hands against the ground, his nose all of two inches away from an egg. It rocked harder. Before he could move back, the egg next to his face _cracked_ and part of it broke away. A beaked head poked through and cried right in Wade’s face. 

He threw himself to the side. Rolling onto his back, he didn’t even bother to get up as he scrambled away from the nest. 

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Yellow’s exclamation points continued to scroll above the now definitely hatching eggs. 

**Stop freaking out and get up.**

“The eggs are hatching!” Wade said in a completely calm voice, if calm meant extremely loud and with a dramatically pointing finger. 

**I thought you were going to take care of them until Mama Duck got back?**

“That didn’t include dealing with actual baby ducks! I can’t be a mama!” Wade definitely shouted that time. He pulled himself to his feet, roughly grabbing the stupid rock he had managed to land on _yet again,_ and pitched it to the side. He flailed his hands vaguely toward the eggs. Two ducklings were struggling to peel themselves out of their eggs and more were still rocking. 

Yellow’s box abruptly cleared of exclamation points and his box hung blank over the eggs. 

“Look, look!” Wade shouted again, horror heavy in his voice as he pointed at Yellow’s box. “The eggs broke Yellow.” Yellow always had something to say!

**Stop being a drama queen and do something!**

_I didn’t break! I was thinking! I… don’t know what to do. Freak out more?_

Wade nodded, flapping his hands at his side and fighting the screaming tension in his body. He desperately wanted to run away but… he was gonna take care of the sweet, innocent eggs! He was going to show Peter— 

**Peter!**

_Peter!_

White and Yellow box both flashed the name less than a foot away from his face and Wade did snap this time. He flailed violently, waving his hands through both the boxes in agitation. “Stay out of my face!! I swear to fucking god, I will figure out how to shred you guys into little tiny box bits!” 

**Have Peter come and help!**

Wade stepped back and pointed an aggressive finger. “No.”

_YES!!!_

Wade brought up his other hand and pointed a finger at Yellow, as well. “No!” 

Of course that’s when the high pitched chirping started right at Wade’s feet. He froze, not wanting to look. _Cheep, cheep, cheepcheepcheep._

**There are ducklings on your feet.**

“No, no there are not,” Wade said calmly and tilted his head back to look at the sky. Maybe if he looked long enough he would be able to make out some stars through the New York glare and the ducklings would turn out to be a figment of his imagination. 

A duckling started picking at his sweatpants. _Cheep, cheepcheep, cheep._ Wade looked down. There were three ducklings on his feet. One was aggressively pecking and pulling at the bottom of his sweatpants, one was sitting a little dejectedly against the side of his foot, and one appeared to be attempting to climb him. Wade sighed, reached down and carefully moved all three ducks far enough out of the way for him to sit back down on the ground. 

And of course he managed to sit so something is digging just into the side of his ass. It was just another shining example of his luck so far tonight that he would sit on yet another freaking rock. Reaching down to grab it, he was more surprised than he should have been to find his phone under his fingers. 

_Gasp! It’s Karma! It’s magic! The Great Author in the Sky wants you to call Peter!_

“No! I can do this on my own. Look, it’s only a few ducks. I can do this. I can get them some food and take care of them until—”

**You mean eleven ducklings?**

“What?!” Wade looked over at the rocking eggs in horror. Two more ducks had hatched and were cheeping pitifully and a third had heroically joined the three already attached to Wade. There were easily a half dozen more still rocking in the nest. “Are you kidding me?” 

**Just call Peter.**

“I—” Wade desperately looked between his phone and the nest. While he was looking, a seventh duckling struggled out of its shell.

_This is an emergency!!!!!_

This _was_ an emergency. There was no way Wade could take care of this many ducklings all on his own! What would he feed them? Wade’s eyes snagged on his phone again. Yellow was right, this was an emergency and he could get Peter to bring some veggies for the ducklings!

He pulled his phone out from under a duckling that was pecking at the screen. Luckily the phone was fine, despite being tossed around a little, sat on, and pecked at. Wade unlocked it quickly and to a moment to notice twelve missed texts, two missed calls, and a voicemail on the screen. He blinked down at his phone. Peter must really have wanted to talk to him. 

Mentally shrugging, he ignored the new messages from Peter and typed out a message and sent it, letting his phone fall back into his lap. 

The message read: **_N CENTRAL PARK BY TH PND BRIN VEGGIE 911 EMERGNY_ **

That should work to get Peter there quickly!

Wade snorted in a moment of startled laughter at the image he found as he looked back at the ducklings clustered in front of him. Yellow was hovering nearly on the ground next to them. 

_Aaaaaaawwww they are just the cutest, yes you are, soooo cute, oh I wish I had hands to cuddle you with!_

“I swear you’re just a gooshy marshmallow inside those sharp edges, aren’t you, Yellow?” Wade poked his finger towards one corner of Yellow’s box and laughed. Outraged symbols filled the box but Wade ignored them and carefully touched the top of a duckling's head with the tip of his finger. 

_WE DO NOT DISCUSS MARSHMALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!_

**What about pinecones?**

Wade tensed and snapped a glare over to White. “Fine,” he said, voice clipped as he struggled to keep his hand gentle on the head of the little duckling that was now actively rubbing its head against his hand. “I won’t talk about marshmallows if you won’t talk about _that.”_

 **Exactly! You know how sensitive Yellow is about discussions of those things since we read** **_that fic._ **

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Wade waved his hand dismissively. “It wasn’t that traumatic, you know.”

Spikes bristled up along Yellow’s edges. _I would never—!!_

**ANYWAY your phone is vibrating like crazy, you know.**

“We’re ignoring that.” Wade pointedly moved his phone off his lap and dropped it into the grass. He carefully pets at the ducklings clustering in his lap and around his legs. His fist suddenly darted to the side and smashed down onto the ground. A chorus of aggrieved cheeping rises from the ducklings in his lap in response to the jostling ,but when he pulled his fist up, there was a very dead grasshopper where it had been. 

Two of the ducklings not in his lap wandered over to investigate and quickly gobble up the smushed bits. A third joined them, nosing at the grass, but the bug was already gone. “Hopefully he hurries! There aren’t as many grasshoppers wandering around as I would have figured and baby ducklings are hungry.” 

_Aaaawww, you_ are _a good Mama!_

**If by ‘good Mama’ you mean a good bug killer, you’re exactly on point.**

Wade ignored them, busy killing another grasshopper and gently ushering two different ducklings over to the resulting mess. “Good babies,” he crooned, petting one downy head gently. “Eat up on the yummy smooshed bug guts.” 

**Gross.**

Wade scowled at the white box. “Really, you’re going with that? Wasn’t it you that wanted to rip the dick off that rapist last month and force feed it to him?”

_Ooooh, we should find something bigger than bugs to chop up and give the sweet baby ducks. We should go look for some rapists!_

**Do you really have to be so weird and gushy and mushy and just… ugh?**

Wade figured the weird ripple warping White’s edges was meant to express disgust.

He smiled at both of the boxes and turned back to the duckling now actively rubbing its head against Wade’s finger. “Yup, I definitely do.” 

He pulled his hand away to snatch another grasshopper out of the air as it leapt near him, smushed it between his fingers, and offered it to another duckling. It gobbled the smushed bug quickly and waddled closer, cheeping mournfully. 

**How do you even know what a mournful duckling sounds like?**

“Ugh, stop, why are you such a buzzkill all the time!?” Wade swiped at White in aggravation. He didn’t actually swipe through the box, but hopefully it got his point across. He scowled and pointedly turned back to the fluffy (and mournful!) little ducklings.

He doesn’t know how long he ignored the boxes and fed the ducklings, but it felt like a small eternity had passed by the time he heard the subtle thumping sound of someone running toward them. Of _Spider-Man_ running toward them. 

Peter’s run was pretty distinctive. It was muted enough that it could have been someone walking quietly, but it was too fast for that. The rustle of a grocery bag was pretty obvious, too. 

_Peteeyyyy!!!_

He barely waited to be close enough for Wade to hear him before he started babbling. “What’s the emergency, I’m here, who do we need to fight, why did I need veggies, is canned okay?” He nearly skidded as he came to a stop next to Wade’s spot on the ground. Wade only glances up at him for a second before looking back down at the two ducklings cuddled in his lap. “Wade! Why did you send me a 911 message!?”

The ducklings were nibbling at Wade’s fingers and cheeping, and the others were crowded around his knees. Wade looked up again and made grabby hands toward the bag, “Veggies please.” 

Peter slowly handed over the bag, his mouth opening and closing in silence very obvious through his mask. Wade was already digging into the bag before Peter finally found his words and burst out, all offended dignity, “Did you really text me a nine one one emergency because of _ducks?!”_

“Yes!” Wade glared up for only a second before focusing back on the bag. He pulled out a can of sweetcorn, pulled the tab, and dumped it out on the ground in front of him, liquid and all. The soft cheeping immediately picked up as the ducklings all converged on the pile. Wade gently transferred the two in his lap to join the rest and watched indulgently as the all dug in. 

“Wade?”

Wade hunched his shoulders and didn’t look up even when Peter gingerly settled down on the ground beside him. 

“Why are there ducklings?” Peter finally asked after watching Wade in silence for a few minutes. Wade ignored his heavy presence as best he could. 

Wade snapped a glare at him. “I couldn’t just let them die! I had to take care of them.” 

“Oh,” Peter said softly, reaching up and pulling off his mask. 

“I can take care of things, you know.” 

“I never said you couldn’t.” 

“I can be responsible!” Wade insisted. 

Peter smiled and reached out, laying a finger carefully on top of one of the ducklings heads. “I know you can.” 

Wade huffed. 

Peter’s smile became rueful as he turned it onto Wade. “What do you want me to say? I know I was wrong earlier. I tried to call you.”

_I told you, you should have answered instead of ignoring it!! I WAS RIGHT!!_

Instead of answering Yellow or Peter, Wade grabbed a random can out of the bag and popped it open. He dumped the can of peas on the damp grass to join the few scattered pieces of corn still there. He kept his eyes glued to the ducklings cheeping and pushing at each other, and he definitely didn’t pout. 

“You weren’t wrong,” he finally muttered. The words were garbled and felt a little like sandpaper rubbing the inside of his throat as he let them out. 

Peter sighed heavily and tilted himself enough that their shoulders brushed. “I wasn’t wrong, but I shouldn’t have said it the way I did.”

Wade just shrugged, emotions boiling uncomfortably in his chest, and reached out to touch his finger to the top of another duckling's head. The silence stretched between them and despite the churning ball of feelings in his chest, it wasn’t uncomfortable. 

“We should probably call animal control or something,” Peter finally said. 

_What?? NO! We can’t abandon our babies!!_

“What? No!” Wade echoed, hunching his body to hover over the ducklings in front of him. “That’s a terrible idea! Why can’t I just be their mama and we can keep them in the bathtub?”

Peter sighed. “Our bathtub isn’t big enough.” 

**We already smell terrible because of our skin. It would be infinitely worse if we never showered.**

_Stop being rational. What matters here is that WE! ARE! THEIR! MAMA!_

Wade contemplated the two boxes’ words for a moment before he turned to Peter. “I’ll buy a bigger apartment.”

“We’ll still need to shower,” Peter echoed White’s sentiment. 

Wade suspiciously looked between Peter and the smug box. He wasn’t sure how a box could radiate smugness, but White was somehow managing it. Peter swore he couldn’t see the boxes but situations like this really made it hard for Wade to believe it. 

Yellow doubled his size, obviously trying to crowd out White’s statement. _WE CAN GET A TWO BATHROOM!_

**In New York?**

“We can get a two bathroom?” Wade tried anyway. 

“Wade…” Peter dragged out his name, his smile nearly as obvious as the exasperation in his voice. “You know we can’t keep them.”

_They need their Mama!_

“But Peter! They need their Mama!” 

Peter snorted and lifted an eyebrow at him.

Wade pouted. He pouted harder at Peter’s unimpressed stare. 

Silence reigned as Wade held onto his pout and Peter just stared at him. Wade didn’t let up. He didn’t care if his eyes dried up into little raisins, he would win this staredown! His babies needed him. After everything that had happened that night, after he had been there to see them all out of their eggs, he couldn’t just abandon them! Luckily, it only took a few minutes for a heavy sigh to break the stare down. 

Peter reached out and touched his gloved finger gently to the head of a duckling leaning against Wade’s leg. “What happened to their real Mama?” he asked softly.

_I TOLD YOU ALREADY, WE’RE THEIR MAMA!_

**Stop being such a drama queen.**

Yellow puffed up so much he almost overlapped Wade and Peter, words so big and bold it felt like he was shrieking loud enough to explode Wade’s skull. _I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN! WE ARE TAKING CARE OF THESE BABIES!!!!!!!!!_

Wade jerked back, ears ringing and head aching with Yellow’s fury. “Stop it!” he snapped, slapping his hand at the air in front of his face. He usually tried not to respond so obviously to the boxes with Peter around to see. It was one thing for Peter to _know_ he was crazy, it was entirely another thing for Wade to let him see it _._ Yellow’s theatrics and White’s snide comments were making Wade’s head swim, though, and Yellow was taking up so much headspace it was getting hard to think his own thoughts. 

“Wade?” 

“Be quiet!” Wade ignored Peter, swiping at the Yellow box again. This time the motion did nothing to the agitated box, going right through with no effect. “You don’t have to flip your shit so hard! I heard you the first twenty goddamn times! I want to take care of them, too!” 

"Wade!"

The sharp tone in Peter's voice finally caught Wade's attention. When Wade finely dragged his eyes from Yellow agitated words, the sadness on Peter's face was almost too much for him to look at. 

"It's been a bad night, hasn't it?" Peter asked gently. 

Wade almost flinched away from Peter's hand when it reached out again and landed on his leg. He stopped himself, hopefully before Peter saw the motion, and held himself very still. He could see words flickering through Yellow’s giant shape in his peripheral but ignored them in favor of Peter's hand and the duckling nestled against his leg. 

"I want to be good enough." The words escaped before Wade could reel them back in. 

Peter made a sound like Wade punched him in the stomach. 

**Good.**

Wade grimaced. White wasn't trying to take up as much space as Yellow had been, but his box was still bright enough to leave after images in Wade's eyes when he looked away. 

"It's not like that," Peter said. 

Wade felt the biting words crowding behind his teeth and focused hard on the cluster of ducklings still milling in front of him. The silence sat heavy around them. 

"I just wanted to show you I could!" Wade grimaced as soon as the words left his mouth. Why did he always have to sound so defensive and defeated? 

Peter didn't laugh, though. Instead he smiled down at the duckling trying to climb into his lap. He reached out and gave it a gentle push to help. It pecked at his fingers instead moving further onto his leg. "They really are cute, aren't they?" 

Wade just blinked at him. Peter didn't seem to mind the silence this time, moving close enough to bump shoulders lightly. His eyes were soft and teasing when he lifted them to Wade's. "You don't need to show me. I've always known you're just a squishy marshmallow inside."

Yellow abruptly appeared inside Wade's field of vision, back to his normal size again. _Excuse you! What did I say about marshmallows?_

Wade burst into laughter. It shook his body so hard he had to lean over his lap and clutch at his own knees, snorting and tearing up. The ducklings on his legs and in his lap cheeped in aggravation and tumbled away. The emotions welling through him were too much and hilarity barely skimmed the surface. Laughter quickly turned to real tears and sobs shook his body. 

He felt Peter’s arms come up over his back and Peter’s forehead pressed against his shoulders but it wasn’t enough to stop the flood. Wade pulled his knees up to press against his face, holding himself tightly. 

“I’m sorry,” he heard Peter whisper against his shoulder. 

The sobs didn’t stop. Peter let him cry and as Wade’s tears slowed down and shook his body less, he let himself lean towards Peter. The sobs stopped completely but tears were still dripping down his face when he let his knees drop and turned to wrap his own arms around Peter, returning his embrace. 

“I’m sorry you can’t trust me.” His voice shook as he said the words. 

“Wade, no! It’s not like that at all.” 

Wade tried to hold on as Peter pulled away, but he was insistent. “I want to look at you.” 

He relented with bad grace, letting himself be pushed back and rubbing his hands over his face. It didn’t do much more than smear the tears around, but it got the soggy feeling out of his eyes. Not that it mattered much. He couldn’t seem to make the tears stop at all and every time he blinked they dripped down his face. 

“I trust you,” Peter said firmly.

**Yeah right.**

Wade snorted before White’s words even registered in the air beside him. They didn’t need to. Peter had to be lying. Wade knew exactly how trustworthy he was, and Peter was too smart for that. 

But Peter shook his head as soon as the sound left Wade. “I do,” he insisted. “I trust you to be exactly who you are.” 

Bitterness welled up in Wade’s chest and more tears dripped down his face as he laughed wetly. “Oh great, thanks. So you trust me to be a murdering psychopath?” 

Peter only smiled. “No, I trust you to be the intense, sweet, principled man I fell in love with.”

“Principled?” Wad scoffed, voice rising as he straightened fully and stiffened his shoulders. “You didn’t want me to go to the bust with you because you thought I would unalive people!” 

“Because you hate when assholes take advantage of kids.” 

_Oh._

**Wow.**

Well, that took the wind right out of his sails. 

_He swore._

**Really, that’s what you took from that?**

_He must really mean it._

White didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, the box staying blank this time as Wade continued to gape at Peter. 

_Say something! Tell him we love him more than guns. We love him more than unicorns! WE LOVE HIM EVEN MORE THAN BETTY WHITE!_

**We definitely don’t love him more than Betty White. Betty White is perfection!**

“I love you,” Wade blurted out. He sniffled hard, voice breaking on a sob. 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like this.” Peter earnestly reached out and grabbed Wade’s hands. “I didn’t mean to make you think I don’t trust you.” 

"Does that mean I get to take the ducklings home?"

Peter froze. “Really, Wade?”

“Yes!” Wade sniffled in emphasis. 

Peter sighed and then laughed lightly, shaking his head in exasperation. He didn’t get the chance to say anything before Yellow superimposed over his face. 

_YES!! WE’RE TAKING THE DUCKS HOME! WE’RE GOING TO BE SUCH A GOOD MOM!!!_

**Are you sure he said yes?**

“Wade, are you even listening to me?”

Wade blinked and Yellow’s box vanished from over Peter’s face. “Uh, I was trying?” 

“I said we could take them home, but _only_ for a couple days.”

Delight had Wade straightening fully out of his slouch, a grin overtaking his face. Before he could say anything, though, Peter’s hand came up between them in a quelling gesture.

“Wait! There are rules! Seriously, we can’t take care of ducklings in our apartment long term so we’ll have to bring them back absolutely no later than two days from now and you’re figuring out how to get them home.” 

Wade clasped his hands tightly under his chin and quivered in place, fighting not to jump up and flail in joy. “That’s all?” he asked breathlessly.

Peter’s face spasmed in a cross between a smile and a grimace. “That’s all.” 

**He’s going to regret his entire life.**

Wade ignored White’s commentary on Peter’s life choices and squealed. A duckling cheeped and fell off his leg. This was going to be so great!

* * *

It did not at all occur to Wade how short of a time two days actually was until two days later when he stood in front of Peter’s stern face, clutched as many squirming ducks as he could and tried on his best puppy dog pleading face. 

“No, Wade.”

“Please, Peter!” Wade clutched the squirming ducklings a little tighter and opened his eyes wider. He tried to add a glisten of tears, but he wasn’t sure how far he succeeded with that. “They’ve been great houseguests!” 

“I don’t count swimming in the toilet and somehow getting onto the kitchen counter and getting into everything up there ‘great houseguests,’” Peter said firmly, eyeing Wade and his armful of ducklings reprovingly. He obviously suspected Wade of nefariously moving the ducklings onto the counter. 

**You did.**

_We don’t have to tell him that!_

"Just one more day?"

"No," Peter states. "We’re taking them to the park right now, this morning."

Wade stuck out his lower lip in a pout and tried to shuffle the squirming and cheeping ducks a little higher. A duckling pecked him in retaliation. 

They didn't appreciate what he was trying to do for them! Wade was just trying to be a good Mama. He had done all the research and gotten a jar of mealworms. In the last two days he had been taking them out to the fire escape to get lots of sun, even! He had laid out a blanket and sat out there with them to make sure none of them fell through the bars or down the stairs. There had only been three near mishaps! It had been going great. But Peter—

"Right now, Wade."

Peter wasn't having it. 

Wade sniffed and managed to squeeze out a tear. It probably had more to do with the duckling that had started actively pecking at his arm, but again, he didn’t have to tell Peter that. 

**Seriously ow, just drop the stupid things.**

_Noooo, we’re their mama! They have to love us and cuddle us!_

It was the blood sliding down his arm and dripping onto his bare foot that finally convinced him. Peter’s serious, no-nonsense face was obviously not at all the reason! Wade just hated getting blood between his toes. 

He leaned over and carefully set the ducklings into the playpen he had gotten for them, careful not to disturb the pile of squirming bugs. The five ducklings he had been holding immediately ran to the pile, joining the others already jostling each other to get the best bugs. 

All of Yellow box's edges rippled with disgust. _Blech. I still say we should have fed them some chopped up rapist. At least that wouldn’t have wriggled._

**At least not after we finished chopping them up.**

Wade wiped the blood off on his pants, ignored the blood on his foot, and made some more pleading faces at Peter. “How about tonight? Can’t I just take them out to the fire escape one more time!?” 

“You mean the fire escape where they kept trying to leap to their gruesome deaths? We live on the fifth floor!” Peter sighed and stepped forward, gently laying his hand on Wade’s arm. “You know we can visit them, right? The park isn’t that far away.” 

“I do this under protest, just so you know,” Wade stomped to where his red crocs were sitting next to the couch and stuffed his feet into them. Coming back over, he grabbed the handle on the side of the play pen and lifted it, leaving the two wheels on the other side still on the ground. “I’m not an absentee parent,” he sniffed pointedly. “I want to be there for my kids. We’re going to visit every day.” 

Peter was already at the door, opening it as Wade pouted his way over. Wade stomped some more as he headed down the hallway, ignoring Peter’s smiling form walking behind him. What did Peter have to smile about, anyway? This was a terrible day. 

It took them less than twenty minutes to walk to the park, even with Wade pulling the playpen the whole way. 

Wade stopped as soon as they could see the sunlight reflecting off the water of the pond and made one last ditch effort. "Can't we just let them play in the grass for a while and then take them home?"

The sigh next to him finally pulled his eyes to Peter's face. There was a small smile on his face as he looked at the ducklings, though his vice was a little sad. "You know we can't. You promised two days."

_I promised nothing!_

**Huh, now that's a little unexpected.**

Wade's eyes darted to where White hovered between him and the lake. "What is?"

"What?" Peter asked. 

**Look down.**

Wade looked below the white box. 

There was a full grown duck picking despondently through the cracked shells of the nest. He could tell it was despondent because of how the duck kept nudging the shells in little circles. He'd never seen a more despondent duck. 

**You obviously crushed her hopes for a family.**

"Now that's not even fair!" he complained. 

"What?" Peter asked again, but he must have followed Wade’s gaze because it wasn't even a second later that he spoke again. "Oh! It's Mama Duck!"

"I didn't crush her hopes for a family, I was protecting them!" Wade whined bitterly. 

"What? I didn't say you did." Peter’s third rendition of the word was accompanied by squinted eyes and a vaguely offended tone.

“I just wanted to help,” Wade sighed, letting his head fall back. He could never do anything right. 

“Hey.” Peter stepped forward and put his hand on Wade’s arm. “You did help. And this is why I said two days. We kept them safe while she was away, and now we’re bringing them back.”

😭😭😭 _But I just wanted to take care of them!!!!!_ 😭😭😭

Wade blinked at Yellow. The tears seemed to drip from the emoji symbols in his box and dropped down to make cartoonish splashes on the ground, but the grass never got wet. He quickly looked over at Peter, but as normal, Peter didn’t seem to see anything unusual. He was still looking at Wade with soft sympathy. 

Wade looked back at Yellow.

Yellow was still somehow managing to cry.

**Suck it up and take it like a man! We are giving these ducklings back to their real Mama!**

_You—_ 😭 _You—_ 😭 _You’re going to miss them toooooooooooooo_ 😭😭😭

White popped into existence right next to Yellow’s dripping box, half his normal size. **Shut up.**

“Wade?”

Startled, Wade looked back at Peter. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

Wade blinked, glanced at Yellow’s still sobbing shape, shook himself hard, and nodded firmly at Peter. “I’ll be okay. Help me get them out?”

Together they worked to grab all eleven ducklings out of the playpen. The ducklings weren’t particularly helpful, tripping over each other and still scrambling around and picking at the much depleted pile of mealworms, but they managed it quickly enough. 

Wade was just gathering up the last of the wiggling things when he heard a loud quack. He looked up just in time to see Mama Duck waddling in their direction as fast as her tiny legs would carry her. 

“Mom look!” a childish voice piped up from down the sidewalk, a little closer to the water. “Ducks!” 

Wade quickly spotted the source of the voice. It was a little girl of about eight or nine with a half full bag of bread in her hands. He watched as she turned toward the woman with her and pulled at her shirt. “Can I feed them?”

**NO!**

_Stop that child!_

Wade jumped forward and intercepted the girl before she could move more than a few feet closer to the ducklings. The girl’s mother gasped and gripped her daughter's arm tightly.

He leaned over and pointed his finger at the little girl. “You can’t feed them bread! Bread is bad for ducks!” 

He pulled the bag of bread from the shocked girl, turned her hand over, and dumped his wiggling handful of mealworms into her open palm. 

The little girl turned a delighted face to the squirming bugs in her hand, but the mother’s response wasn't quite so happy. 

“Sir!” she snaps, “You can’t just come over here and—’

Peter grabbed Wade’s arm and pulled him back a step, waving his hand between them quickly. “Sorry! Sorry, ma’am, he’s just— we’re just— um, we’re just going.” 

He tugged sharply on Wade’s arm, pulling him over to the playpen. 

“Peter!” Wade complained. “I was just letting that kid know she couldn’t feed ducks bread! You know bread is bad for ducks, we looked it up and talked about it!” 

Peter just laughed. “Oh my god, Wade. Did you see her face?!”

_Oh, I did! We made that girl’s day! I mean, who doesn’t like a palmful of wiggling bugs._

**Weren’t you just complaining earlier about bugs?**

_I don’t know what you’re talking about. I love wiggling bugs!_

**I think he meant the mom, anyway.**

_Oh. No. The mom had a face?_

“Of course she had a face!” 

Peter snorted another laugh. “Of course she had a face. She looked so horrified though!” He turned his wide grin on Wade. “Come on, let’s go home. We’ll come visit your ducklings tomorrow, okay? Hopefully all the disapproving moms are gone then.” He nudged Wade’s shoulder with his own and tipped his head toward the happily prancing Mama duck and the eleven ducklings gathered and cheeping excitedly at her feet. “Look how happy they are. You did good.” 

Wade smiled back and grabbed the playpen. Peter reached out and gripped his empty hand, stretching up and pressing a kiss Wade’s cheek. Wade grinned and stole a kiss from Peter’s still grinning mouth. “What was that for?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” Peter said softly, shaking his head. “I just love you.” 

Warmth filled Wade’s chest and he let himself be tugged away. Together they left the park, Peter still giggling softly every couple of minutes. Wade couldn’t help looking back at the ducklings a few times. The mom really did look horrified, but the girl was happily throwing mealworms at the ducklings, Mama Duck indulgently looking on. 


End file.
